Insight News

Aug 03rd


Is he husband material?


In my travels, I often encounter women who say they are looking for men who are good husband material. After those conversations, I often find my self asking the question, “What is good husband material?” During my 13 years in the Marines we were looking for men with the metal to become Marines. This “metal” is not the right substance. Although metal may make for good Marines, the material that goes into making a good husband must be more pliable. It must be able to transcend beyond the physical appearance of a man and be strong enough to build upon, and flexible enough to bend with the right pressure. Good husband material must be character based. Here is my list of the 5 essential items that make up “good husband” material.

All things begin and end with you


I am the master of my fate; I am captain of my soul (William Ernest Henley)

This week, I would like to share some insight from chapter two of my book: Men are Dirt. The title of this chapter is “All things begin and end with you.” This chapter reminds us that we are the principle part of our relationships and that all things begin and end with us. Before you can be true to others, you must first be true to yourself. You serve as the numerator in your relationship equation and the people in your life serve as the denominator. When others bring spiritual, emotional, and financial value equal to yours, the relationship becomes one or whole. On the other hand, when they bring emotional, financial, and spiritual baggage that is greater than you and your resources, the relationship becomes a fraction of what it should be. Because there is so much as stake, it is necessary to take ownership of your relationships.

Mission: Getting to Happy


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are familiar sayings that are known to all. It marks the season of giving followed by the beginning of a new year full of hope and promise. Unfortunately, this is not true for all. For some, the word happy is a distant memory of times long ago, and for others it is a present reminder of sorrow and depression. According to some experts, more people suffer from depression during the holidays than any other time of the year. Now more than ever, it is necessary for all of us to take deliberate actions to aid in our quest for happiness. 


Reflections on race and the church

“Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest of me, which am a women of Samaria? For the Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.” - John 4:9

As we consider issues of race and the church, we often hear talk of the “white church” and the “black church” -- the two juxtaposed as though one stands against the other.  It is true of course, that cultural differences exist in worship, preaching, liturgy, church administration, leadership and undoubtedly many other areas.  (Note that "culture" here is defined as the shared patterns of behaviors, interactions, and intellectual constructs that are learned through the process of socialization. These shared patterns serve to identify the members of a particular cultural group while also distinguishing them from other groups).  This article highlights the importance of recognizing and appreciating our differences.  Corporately, these differences are related to our kingdom assignments and interconnectedness.


The 4 pillars of healthy relationships


The topic of relationship is one of the hottest topics in the country today. People everywhere are watching, listening, and reading about it because they want their relationships to be better. They do this because they want to have successful relationships. Despite the statistics on divorce, healthy relationships do exist. This month my pastor and his wife will celebrate 54 years of marriage. I am very close to another couple who have been married for over 60 years, and I have several friends and family members who have been married 30 or more years. If the media would focus it's greatest energy on the one half of marriages that do not end in divorce, more people would see building a successful relationship as a possibility.

Peace on earth, good will toward men

As the Christmas holidays approach, I quiet my spirit and think about what is most important.  I think about the song, “Let there be peace on earth…, and let it begin with me.” I realize that whether one is a Christian, Muslim or Jew, this part of the year reminds us to stop and think about why we are all here and what we are meant to accomplish.  After all, isn’t that why they call it a “holy-day?” According to Webster’s Dictionary, the word “holy” means “exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect and in goodness and righteousness,” and “having a divine quality.” Consequently, more than toys or gifts or over-eating opportunities, holidays require us to re-evaluate our degree of congruence between our spiritual selves and our earthly selves.  We have to compare what we say we are all about against what we actually do.  Thus, observing holy days requires that one become thought-filled, live in harmony with others and ourselves. Finally, we must seek to be, at peace, and honest in spirit.


Insight for healthy relationships

Insight for healthy relationships

From the moment I agreed to write this column as I shook Al McFarlane’s hand at the Kente Summit this past weekend, I was committed to write about healthy relationships. I am convinced that healthy relationships build healthy families and healthy families build healthy communities.  I am keenly aware that our community is suffering from broken and dysfunctional relationships, and I too am concerned about the state of the Black family. I also believe that despite all of these obstacles, we are all empowered to do something about it. On this past Saturday, despite the snow, I headed out to the Kente Summit with this mission in mind. 

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