Insight News

Feb 11th

Can a man really be faithful?

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stockvault-sunrise103262Women who have been cheated on often find themselves asking the question, "Can any man be faithful?" More and more from what we hear in the news, it appears that all men are cheating. From love and hip hop, to Hollywood husbands, we are bombarded with images of cheating men. With social media at its peak, and everything that a man does is on public display, can a man really and truly be faithful?

Yes, a man can be faithful. In the past articles, I have said this that I don't believe that all men are unfaithful. Most surveys still show that the number of men who are faithful are greater than those who are not. Although I do believe that there are men out there who are cheaters, they do not represent the whole. According to MSNBC survey conducted of 70,000 adults, 44 % of married men and 36% of married women admitted to being unfaithful. Although these numbers are alarmingly high, they do not reflect all. 56% of the men surveyed indicated that they kept their commitment to their relationships.

Because there is a high percent of men who are unfaithful, women everywhere want to know if a man can be faithful. This question has been presented to me at just about every speaking engagement or book signing I have attended. Many of these women believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. Unfortunately in many instances, this is the case. Serial cheaters move from woman to woman and perpetuate the impression that all men cheat. In reality, a faithful man will be faithful and an unfaithful man will not. Once a woman has been cheated on, she may see all men through the lens of unfaithfulness.

To get a better understanding of the factors that impact if a man can be faithful, I like to use the analogy of a man running a marathon. At some point in the race, the man will hit what runners call the wall. The wall is a point in the runners psyche where his body begins to rebel against him. His mind, body, kidney, liver, feet, legs, and all other connected body parts scream at him that he cannot go any further. What he sees, feels, and touches tells him that he cannot finish the race. Despite all of these things, the man finishes the race because his heart compels him to do so. So it is when it comes to a man being faithful. What is in a man's heart will override what he sees and feels. If "do right" is in him, he will do right.

If faithfulness can be found in a man's heart, so can unfaithfulness. The heart of a man is the key because cheating comes from the heart. "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander" (Matthew 15:19). Men that are unfaithful act out what is in their heart. You cannot make a cheating man be faithful. Cheating is the symptom. It reflects the spiritual condition of his heart. What is in his heart determines his course of actions. His biggest problems are within him.

Women who believe that all men are unfaithful have probably come in contact with serial cheaters. Their cheating is not your fault or responsibility. A serial cheater will cheat regardless of whom he is with. It is the condition of his heart and not the woman's actions that control and dictate his actions. These serial cheaters have often blamed their wives or girlfriends for their unfaithfulness. They try to lead us to believe that the source of their problem is outside of them. This is not true. Like a man running a marathon, outside influences may impact our actions, but they do not control them. What is in his heart will be the final determination.

There are faithful men out there who have faithfulness in their heart. Despise the fact that they are often lumped in with the unfaithful and treated like cheaters, they remain faithful. These men will probably never be featured on a reality TV show, or be the topic of a bestselling book, but they exist. Because faithfulness is in their hearts, they cannot be anything less than who they are, faithful.

Timothy Houston is an author, minister, and motivational speaker who is committed to guiding positive life changes in families and communities. For questions, comments or more information, go to

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