They are based on multiple variables that are constantly changing. You must also factor in the prospective, perception and priorities that each person brings to the relationship. With all of these moving parts, relationships can be a mathematical and emotional nightmare. Unfortunately, this is the challenge that is facing the modern day relationship. There is hope, but it will require you to be different. If your relationship is to be successful, you must learn to simplify the complexity.
First, to simplify your relationship, you must identify a common denominator. A denominator is a shared trait or something held in common with the numerator (the top part of the equation being considered). Your feelings must be at the top of your relationship equation. If your relationship is based more on the way a person looks (external) than the way they treat you and how they make you feel (internal), it will be a fraction of what it should be. In math, when the denominator is equal to the numerator, the relationship is one. The common denominator must bring you emotional wholeness. The way they make you feel is the first common denominator in any relationship.
Second, to simplify your relationship, you must solve for a single variable. There are seven dimensions of the human person – spiritual, moral, mental/ intellectual, physical, social, economic and political. These dimensions should be approached from most important to least important. To put more value on the physical than the spiritual, or economics before morals is a mistake. If a person is dishonest with others, that person will be dishonest with you, but if that person is faithful in spiritual things, he or she will be faithful in physical things. Character precedes conduct, and the spiritual and moral integrities are more of an indication of relationship success than money and looks. The spiritual health of a person is the most important variable in any successful relationship.
Finally, to simplify your relationship, you must balance the equation. This is a chemistry concept. Balancing a chemical equation refers to establishing the mathematical relationship between the quantity of reactants (starting material) and products (finish products). Every successful relationship must have good chemistry. The relationship between two people should produce something greater than what each person possessed individually. One plus one equals three. If any person in the relationship is diminished, the relationship is out of balance and an adverse chemical reaction will eventually follow. Relationships that blow up in the faces of the participants were out of balance from the beginning.
Complex relationships can be simplified, but you must be the one that begins the process. The best place to begin this process is inwardly. You must first be your own numerator and denominator. Work on your spirit, morals and values. Any one that is a fraction of themselves can never bring wholeness to any relationship. Take some time to determine what your common denominator is. This will balance your internal equations and bring wholeness to your personal life. From this platform of wholeness you can evaluate your relationship equation. You are who you attract, brokenness attracts brokenness, and wholeness attracts wholeness. When it is all said and done, who you are will determine who you end up with.
Timothy Houston is an author, minister, and motivational speaker who is committed to guiding positive life changes in families and communities. To get copies of his books, for questions, comments or more information, go to www.tlhouston.com.