Insight News

Feb 14th

Emotional healing for the black family

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emotion-3During Black History Month, I want to continue my discussion about relationships. The black family is under attack, and the emotional battle between men and women of all races is at an all time high. To counter this, we need information that will help bring emotional healing and resolution. Knowledge is power, and power is needed for sustained changed. Here are a few things to consider as we work to help facilitate emotional healing for the black family.

First, seek to get a better understanding of men. Understanding the creative purpose for man helps us to understand him better. Man came from the earth and was an empty shell before God breathed life into him. Because of this, man has within him the ability to suppress his emotions which makes it possible for him to deal dispassionately with the consequences of his actions. This emptiness is a part of his emotional makeup, and it gives him the capacity to wage war and still return home to love his wife and family. A man has emotions, but he generally expresses them through his actions. Men feel the most secure when they keep their emotions to themselves.

Secondly, seek to get a better understanding of women. Unlike man, woman is an emotional being full of emotions. She was created with the ability to bring forth life within her. Able as she is to sense the subtle changes of a child growing in her womb, she has physical and emotional connections to the child that supersede that of a man. Because this is a part of her physical design, it allows her to nurture and care for her children and others. It is her nature to express her love and care through her emotions. Women feel most comfortable when they share their emotions.

Thirdly, seek understanding to the difference between the two. The way a man and a woman express their emotions is different and visible to all. When I look at relationships today, a man's emotional capacity appears limited while a woman's appears limitless. Relatively speaking, if a man has five emotional strings, then a woman appears to have five thousand, an imbalance that makes conflict inevitable. Men and women will never see eye to eye so they must work on better communication about them. As the man works on sharing his emotions more and the woman works on allowing him time to do so, emotional conflict will be minimized.

Finally, seek to end emotional battle altogether. Struggles involving emotional battles damage relationships, and in the end, no one wins. When some men find themselves losing the battle emotionally, they may try to make it a battle of words which can be harsh and damaging. And if he continues to lose, he may shutdown completely which, in turn, causes him more internal conflict. Because man is an empty shell emotionally, he is able to put his silent treatment behaviour into that temporary storage place leaving the woman alone again to deal with her feelings. Damage done to either the man or woman, results in damage to the relationship as a whole. This will impact the family.

The black family can will the war of the emotions. Wars are ended with treaties. When a man and woman come together at the negotiation table, the lines are communications are opened, and the ability to resolve the issue becomes possible. There is no force more powerful in this world than a man and woman working together. Their union creases families and the whole world pauses to take notice. They then are no longer two but one spiritually and emotionally. This oneness makes for better relationships, neighbourhoods, and communities. When this union takes place, the war of the emotions is ended, and we are all better because of it.

Timothy Houston is an author, minister, and motivational speaker who is committed to guiding positive life changes in families and communities. For questions, comments or more information, go to

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