Insight News

Feb 06th

When the heart is like a battlefield

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Sometimes relationship can seem like a battle and the heart like a battlefield. During this battle, friendly fire can occur. "Friendly-fire," is a military term that I use to describe a situation in which someone that is on your side, someone that is suppose to be there to protect you, causes you harm. Friendly-fire can be deadly. In relationships, the most grievous of all friendly-fire is infidelity. When men and women are unfaithful, they cause harm to the very person they should be protecting. Friendly-fire is emotionally damaging to the injured. It leaves them wondering how anyone who was supposed to protect them could hurt them so badly. The hurt varies in degrees from person to person, but no matter how slight the condition may appear, it will only get worse over time. Injured people need care. No wound can go uncovered, and no hurt can go untreated. What steps should be taken to keep friendly-fire from turning deadly? Here are three steps that I believe will help heal the hurt.

Step one, stop the bleeding. Don't allow yourself to be subject to continued cheating. Cheating is friendly fire at its worst. It creates an explosive situation that is emotionally destructive. There are some who will want go on with the relationship as if the infidelity has not occurred. Others will try to keep the incident a secret, but a cover-up is never a good idea. There is no need to try to protect the cheater. The wounded person is the one that needs the care. The wounds we can't see are always more serious than the ones we can see. Never leave emotional in the hands of the person that cause the hurt. There are trusted people in everyone's circle who are qualified to provide spiritual and emotional support.

Step two, protect the wound. Healing is never instantaneous. It takes time to recover from being wounded emotionally. The damage may have cut deeper than ever imagined. At the same time, life goes on, and most people do not have the luxury of living in the recovery room. Whenever an injury of any kind occurs, everyone wants to see what it looks like. They want you to expose your scares for the benefit of their viewing. Limited the number of people you tell. I recommend that only those that are providing care be allowed access to your wounded heart and soul.

Step three, treat for shock. Stay away from negative people, activates, and environments. This requires immediate action. Seek out positive people. One of the most effective treatments for shock is found in the words of the caregiver who must remain calm and provide comfort. Feed yourself a steady dose of encouragement. Words are medicine. Words are life. Remember, "This too shall pass."

Infidelity happens. In an ideal world, everyone would be faithful to their relationships, but this is not an ideal world. We are all subject to "friendly fire" and one day we may have to give or receive care because of it. Know that there is help and hope in God. "But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:5).

Timothy Houston is an author, minister, and motivational speaker who is committed to guiding positive life changes in families and communities. To get copies of his books, or for questions, comments or more information, go to

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